A Break in the Monotony

November 12, 2013 by Jill Weinberger

You’d think with a 4-year-old in my care the word monotony wouldn’t cross my lips. However, the reality is while we’re active and adaptable most days, Gemma and I still have a pretty consistent routine – eat, school, eat, play, eat, sleep. It’s been just over four years since I became a stay-at-home mom, and I’m still coming to terms with what that means.

I get asked “What are you up to?” a lot. And many times it’s a subtle implication about not working outside the home…”Are you really still doing the stay-at-home mom thing“? (like it’s taboo). In response, I usually get fidgety, break eye-contact and offer some long-winded response that only half makes me feel relevant (and mostly never exudes confidence). I want to scream “This is doesn’t define me. I didn’t plan to still be at home four years later. I am still relevant. A little person relies on me…loves me…can’t live without me…and that means something, dammit!” But that seems a little desperate, right?! In reality, I didn’t plan it. And it’s still not a natural “career” for me but I have to remember you don’t start a job at the top of your game…it takes time, training, guidance, mentors, confidence, mistakes, apologies, ownership, more training, more mentoring, etc. And so it goes…parenthood.

The work of being a stay-at-home mom is primarily teaching and involves a high level of craftiness, planning and undivided attention (even when you’re not in the mood—no sick days or “I’ve got a headache” excuses will do when a little ball of energy wants you to play UNO or dress-up). Oh, and btw, the cooking, cleaning and transportation duties are just the icing (so they say). Sometimes I miss working outside the home, the selfish part of being able to have something “just for me” but then I have days like yesterday…

Woke up and got G ready for school.
Had a rare and special family breakfast at Dunkin Donuts (since daddy is going out of town for the week).
Delivered G safely to school then dropped packages at the shipping store, got in a 2-mile walk and a P90X workout, grabbed a shower, posted a blog, and prepped dinner.
Picked G up from school and hit the grocery store…G got to put all items in and mostly push the cart herself AND hand all items to cashier AND “pay”…which by the way turns a 15 minute grocery trip into an hour-long learning activity).
Got home, put away groceries and finished putting crock-pot chicken noodle soup together.
Made chocolate chip cookies with G (baked 1/2 of dough, rolled and froze 1/2 of dough).
Played 5 hands of Slap Jack then snuggled with G in home theater for 1 hour “quiet time” watching the Dreamworks holiday shorts episodes featuring Shrek, Madagascar and How to Train Your Dragon (super cute, btw).
Ate chicken noodle soup dinner; G crowned me Chopped Champion for soup…again! Golly, do I love this girl and her accolades!
Drove “in the dark” to UPS to pick up a package. (This, by the way, is also exciting for a 4-year-old who is usually not in a car after dinner/dark…she noticed the moon and Venus in the sky, so we chatted about the universe, planets and why the moon is not a planet even though it looks like one. Note: We need to get out more in the dark.)
Got back home and had a kid-friendly “nightcap” (hot cocoa).
G helped me put on a clarifying face mask (and take it off…which elicited a lot of giggles from both of us!)
Snuggled in jammies and read 3 books before bedtime.
Got a few quiet moments by myself to clean up kitchen/dishes and brush/floss before having a great chat with my brother and sis-in-law (planning Thanksgiving dinner so my mom doesn’t have to cook!).

I don’t realize until I write down my day’s activities how much of G’s life I would miss out on if I had a full-time job outside the home. Who would be there to answer her silly questions? Or her serious questions? Who would tell me she now has an imaginary dog (in addition to her imaginary friend)?

But truth be told…I have a mild jealous streak, and I often envy Ben’s ability to break away from our “monotony”…

to converse with other adults about “business things”,
have quiet moments in the car listening to “his” music,
watch a movie or “catch up on email” on an airplane,
have a cocktail or eat “peacefully” at a fancy restaurant on a business trip,
talk on the phone without being interrupted,
select and eat his lunch at will,
to pee (for God’s sake) without a tiny human sticking her fingers/artwork/candy under the door to get your attention (assuming the door is even closed!) or yelling through the door “do you need me to turn the fan on for you, mommy?”.

While I envy his luxuries, I’m learning to better accept my position and its “on-the-job training”. My latest revelation is 4-year-old’s are bipolar…one minute I’m gritting my teeth because G’s refusing to finish breakfast and get dressed for school, and the next minute my heart is melting because she’s sweetly requesting a hug and a kiss, with arms outstretched and puppy-dog eyes, because (doh!) we haven’t hugged and kissed since we woke up (a mere 40 minutes ago).

This is a special time for both Gemma and I. It is challenging and rewarding in so many ways. I must remind myself more often because someday I’ll work for someone else again but for now I’m pretty happy working for Gemma.

On a side note…while searching the archives, I came across this photo…

You see, I was at wit’s end. We were visiting my parents in Illinois, and Gemma had been pushing everyone’s buttons the whole day. Come bath time, she was spitting fire, and I’m fairly certain scales were forming on her arms and legs. So instead of fighting it (more), I decided to just be silly. I snuck off, grabbed a can of shaving cream and slathered it on before creeping through the house to give my l’il dragon a scare. Before I knew it we were all laughing, and l’il G returned to her kind-hearted self.

As I look ahead to this week while Ben’s out of town, I may need some ideas from you (yes, you!) on how to inject some more levity like this into our daily routine! Suggestions are greatly welcomed in the comments section below. What out-of-the-ordinary things do you do to maintain humor in yourself and with your kids/family??!!

Fostering Girl Power

October 22, 2013 by Jill Weinberger

I was 15 years old in 1992 when Teen Talk Barbie made headlines for saying “math class is tough”. What a blow that was to the feminist movement.

Back then I aspired to be an astronaut. Seriously. No one ever told me I couldn’t pursue my dream, so why not? In fact, my parents encouraged my interest and allowed me to attend Space Academy not once, but twice…once in 8th grade and again during spring break my senior year in high school. Those two weeks will forever rank high on my list of great childhood memories.

Team Wounded Duck, Space Academy, April 1995

Space Academy grounds, Huntsville, AL, 1995

Incredible “behind the scenes” tour of Kennedy Space Center, Launch Pad B, with astronaut Joe Tanner (Danville, IL native), 1996

Ultimately, when I got to college I realized while I had enjoyed making rockets with my team of fellow “nerds”, scuba diving in the underwater astronaut trainer tank, and managing my post as a mission control or payload specialist, what I really enjoyed was the stimulation, interaction and “play” of it all. Translation…I wasn’t willing to do the work, put in the years or make the sacrifices necessary to achieve the dream. So I became a communications major (insert chuckle here).

My choice to abandon my dream had nothing to do with Teen Talk Barbie. At the time, the American Association of University Women took issue with the careless words of this tween toy and demanded Mattel remove them from Barbie’s vocab (which Mattel did). The AAUW cited a report which concluded girls were being short-changed in schools. Maybe those words discouraged some girls from pursuing fields of science or math? Probably not. [I attribute my detour to merely growing up and being aware of my strengths and power of choice. Oh, and I’ll give Lynn Moody credit, too. She was a top-notch communications prof during my freshman year in college (shout out to Danville Area Community College), who inspired and motivated me to study the psychology of how and why people interact and socialize, and ultimately find my degree in public relations.]

Fast forward 20 years (wow, really?) and gender lines are still drawn. Becoming a parent puts this fact in clear view – beginning with the tiny hat bestowed on baby’s head in the hospital and ending at the current 19% earnings gap between women and men. While I have the ability to filter and the confidence to strive beyond stereotypes, my impressionable 4-year-old daughter, Gemma, is a sponge.

I see the gender lines drawn down every toy, athletic and clothing aisle in department stores. G is a princess through and through. And I must admit I fell into the trap early on…pink, pink, pink (well her room is blue but only because I saw a lot of pink in her future). We’ve got a playroom full of sparkles and crowns; princess dresses for each day of the week; “my first purse”; a play kitchen; Strawberry Shortcakes, Disney princesses and My Little Ponies galore. We’re pretty balanced, though, with matchbox cars, a train set, balls, Legos (albeit the Friends line which boasts a horse stable and pink convertible for little girl Lego-people), fireman and train engineer dress up clothes, Play-doh, and building blocks. And thank goodness the female characters in Gemma’s books offer strong role models and teach sharing, manners, healthy lifestyle and friendly behaviors. I’m not sure I remember a moral message from my favorite cartoon of yesteryear, Jem (and the Holograms).

As her parents, Ben and I embrace her glittery personality and realize it’s our job to encourage her to reach beyond the “pink” and instill a solid foundation in reading, math and science.

Almost daily, I encourage Gemma’s help in the kitchen, which may seem gender-biased, I know, but it’s clear she’s learning so much more than just “mommy cooks dinner”. She’s learning how to measure, seeing how ingredients react to heat (in the oven and on the stove) or air (with mixing or whipping), learning to count and tell time, expanding her palate to ensure a healthy lifestyle and lay a foundation for the desire to (hopefully) travel the world and experience places and people beyond my own imagination.

Gemma (1.5 years old) shucking corn.

We treat her as an equal member of the household (within boundaries, of course); a tiny human with valid opinions and the same rights and responsibilities as her father and I…we require manners, respect, contributions of chores, etc.

As a family, we play card games such as UNO or BLINK to reinforce shapes, colors, numbers and critical thinking. She’s quite good…I’d estimate a .650 winning percentage. Dominos is another favorite. Ben and Gemma’s favorite activities are building with blocks and creating incredible train track designs. That said, we work on a lot of puzzles, memory games and recently picked up Magnetic SuperMind, which really challenges the player to use their spacial judgement to organize various shapes to create the pictures provided on the game cards. (Thankfully, these game sets are primary colors and not gender-specific.) I’m fascinated watching Gemma work with the shapes, seeing her determination and satisfaction when she’s able to complete a card on her own.

The only thing clear in our quest to raise a smart, confident and strong young woman is we’re winging it. Going on gut instinct. Taking lessons from our mothers and fathers and those influential members of our little community of friends and family, implementing what has shaped and inspired us. Teaching her good morals and giving her the tools to succeed. Letting her fall once in a while because it will keep her grounded and might just motivate her to reach higher or try something new. Encouraging her to dream, and, ahem, letting her know it’s okay to change your dreams along the way.

Oh, and I don’t think there’s any harm in agreeing with her if she comes home from school and tells me “math class is tough”.

Art of Preservation

October 3, 2013 by Jill Weinberger

“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.” ~ Pablo Picasso

We, mothers, in particular, become increasingly nostalgic and sentimental once children enter our world. We start to save everything in hopes our child will grow up and desire that curl from her first haircut, the unused preemie diaper (just to prove how small she was), her first holiday dresses, a stack of graded reports or test scores, and so on.

The feeling gets stronger once said child enters school – be it preschool or kindergarten – and starts proudly pulling glued, finger-painted and glittered artwork from her backpack each day. You marvel at her talent, compliment her creativity, and toss each masterpiece into a folder or envelope; over time, these items tear, yellow or become otherwise less incredible as the years eat away at them.

I was incredibly lucky to have a cedar “hope” chest, handmade by my Grandpa Black, in which my parents stashed years of childhood mementos. It held everything from my christening gown to my high school diploma. It housed swimming medals; brochures from vacations; annual school and prom photos; blankets and jewelry; summer camp and school art projects; reports and stories I’d penned; and local newspaper clippings from awards and other accomplishments. While I loved to see much of those items as an adult, I wasn’t committed to saving each piece, thus I tossed most of the swimming medals, tourist brochures, and half-destroyed macaroni ornaments, keeping only the most treasured items to accompany me on my life journey.

cedarchest

It’s my goal to give Gemma a similar treasure trove from which to recall her favorite school and family experiences; and while I’ll still keep her lock of hair and that preemie diaper, I hope to take advantage of some modern technologies along the way to best preserve and organize her school-year memories. This summer I started the annual “look book” project (with help from Shutterfly), in which I’ll compile Gemma’s previous year school projects (art, stories, photographs) into a special book to commemorate her life journey. (And, while I would love to keep all of the original works of art, I plan to save only a handful of items from each year in case she wants to use them as art for her own home or children’s playroom someday.) Preschool has proven a great time to start because there are so many colorful art pieces to create beautiful coffee table books to share with family and friends.

Here is a peek at the two books I created for Gemma’s 2- and 3-year old preschool years…

kidartbookcover

I love the ability to document her growth (physically, intellectually and artistically) and preserve her childhood experiences in this colorful and creative medium.

Special Notes:

There are so many companies offering photobooks these days; you can use any one of them to create your own “look book”. I find Shutterfly easy to use and high quality (and they regularly offer great coupons for big discounts on photobooks).
To get the artwork in digital form, I set or taped each piece to an art easel, took a photo of it, then cropped and adjusted the exposure and/or other elements to get the best rendition before uploading to my photobook folder online. I would estimate it took me 5-6 hours (in total) to photograph, edit photos and layout the book.
This is also a great way to create special gifts for grandparents or other family members. I used one particular art series in which Gemma used her handprints to create a themed art print each month during her 2-year old preschool year…each month became the artwork for a calendar we gave to her grandparents this year in honor of Grandparents Day.
FYI…Gemma does not have aliens in her class. I blurred the faces of her fellow classmates out of respect of their privacy.

Into the Wild: Part 2

September 30, 2013 by Jill Weinberger

We survived! Our first camping trip was a major success! We heard Gemma say, “This is so much fun,” and “I love camping” over and over and over again throughout the weekend.

Setting up the tent was a family affair. Gemma is quite the little manager and has great instincts so we took her lead and she was so proud of our teamwork…

(photo credit Gemma)

Once set up, we had a nice lunch and enjoyed the views (including UP). The weather was beautiful…low 70’s during the day and low 50’s overnight.

Our friends, Matt and Jen, stopped by for an afternoon visit, and David joined us for dinner (hot dogs and s’mores cooked over the open fire) and a walk over our super-awesome fallen-tree bridge.

(photo credit Gemma)

wienie roast

smores

We also shared our campsite with this little spider-guy, and I came an inch (a mere inch!!!) from walking face-first into he and his web after our bridge walk. Eeeeek!

After dark, the party really got going! How much fun are glow sticks??!! Gemma loved singing and dancing and just being silly. So much so, we experienced our first “I’m tired, can I go to bed now?” from Miss G. Phew…she really can wear out (who knew?).

On Sunday, we headed to the trail for a 1.5 mile hike through the park. If this doesn’t prove you need nothing more than nature and love to keep a family busy, engaged, healthy and happy, then I don’t know what does! I’ve never seen more smiles than those we wore during this adventure! Can’t wait to do it again!!!